Tuesday, August 28, 2007

From Modern Drunkard

Quest For Firewater

When it comes to seeking out adventure, there is no better companion than alcohol. Think back to the greatest adventures of your life, those scenes so wild you sometimes wonder if you saw them in a movie and merely adopted them as your own. It’s a pretty good bet that alcohol had at least a cameo, if not a leading role.

Which makes it a very valuable asset, for there is very little adventure to be had in today’s humdrum world. All the cool stuff has already been done. The highest mountain tops are littered with dozens of flags, the deepest jungles are thick with tourists with camcorders blazing, and at least three different minisubs have probed the inky recesses of Loch Ness. Let’s face it: we are the inheritors of a second-hand planet.

Which is why we have to rely so heavily on alcohol. It’s the original genie in a bottle and it can grant you three very important wishes that will help you seek out adventure, even if your expedition only takes you as far your local bar. Namely:

Self confidence. Pour a couple drinks down your throat and suddenly you’re a man with possibilities, with a real (if not entirely understood) purpose in life. Most of all, you’re a man willing to take chances, because you believe you can actually pull it off, whether it be winning over the girl at the next table or picking her boyfriend’s pocket. As Admiral Peary pointed out, “You will never reach your goal unless you are already there in your mind.” And we both know there’s nothing better than a skin full of liquor to get us out of our minds.

Big ideas. Alcohol is an excellent and extremely willing accomplice for any kooky idea you might come up with. And if you don’t have any kooky ideas in the hopper, it’s more than happy to supply a few of its own. Van Gogh noted, “You can never have enough ideas, so long as you’re willing to discard the bad ones.” Is flying to Prague to mastermind a pickpocket ring a bad idea? Maybe. But so is whipping dogs across a sheet of ice and cutting off your ear. But that didn’t stop Peary or Van Gogh, now did it?

Identifying your desires. Your real desires, not the desires society tries to foist on you. A sober person can wander around a mall all day without figuring out what sort of shirt he should buy, but a drunk knows exactly what he wants. He wants the girl at the next table, he wants a chili dog with all the fixings, and he wants to fly to Prague and mastermind a pickpocket ring. But first he’d like another drink.

With alcohol as your native guide, finding adventure is so easy you’ll probably stumble right over it. It’s getting the hungover guy to book the ticket to Prague that’s hard.

Frank Kelly Rich

Monday, August 27, 2007

Yesterday's Highlights vol.1 - Rod Stewart

The day pretty much started with the best lunch evar. I got a call from LZ and he suggested Thai, I quickly agreed and showered and got my ass in gear. "Tank" ( my roomate is a driver by trade - more stories later ) arrived home just as I was finishing getting ready and shortly after a quick session I was whisked away to Thai food being chauffered in a new 2007 Crystler, I cant remember the model but it was the one that looks like a bentley. I sit with the 2 that I was joining RIGHT as the food was arriving. The meal was delicious ( I recomend Jai Thai on broadway ) and to top it off LZ paid as to repay a previous lunch I had bought him.... pretty much a damn finest lunch.

Work was damn slow but had a few moments.

At 8pm or so I was out having a smoke and as I am heading back inside a cab pulls up and I make note of the passenger ( I was hoping it was the girls ) Shortly after this guy comes into the bar..... He will now be refered to as "Rod Steward". Rod is I'd guess late 50's, Shaggy blond hair, wearing leather pants and a red button-down leopard print shirt that is somehow "shiney"..... and to top it off he speaks with a terrible brittish accent. Sometimes I love the bowling alley.

Rod: "aye man.... whan does kerry-okie start??"
Me: " 9:30ish"
Rod "Right-o mate"

And proceeds to leave..and I proceed to tell my server, my customers, and my karaoke hostess about this guy in the hopes he'll come back and break out an amazing rendition of Mandy. Only thing is when he returns around 10 he is completely shitfaced. Knowing that Rod cabbed it and wasnt driving, I decided to amuse myself. I'd be willing to serve him even though he probably shouldnt have anymore. The funnier part is when he orders a Mike's hard cranberry and a shot of Absolute Mandarin(which he sips!) Despite the lounge being next to empty, this guy proceeds to talk to every one in there and decides to give good positive feedback to everyone singing at all times, drive the hostess nuts and Proceed to hit on "Bess" While her son is singing "I will do anything for love, but I wont do that by Meatloaf.(Bess is late 40's, comes in with her "midly slow" son and will sing country songs about Jesus, while sipping one cup of coffee the entire night - Not my favourite customer) After another sipper of Mandarin I decide that I dont think he should have anymore and he promptly leaves after his first and last song of the night which was Major Tom sung completey out of time and at the top of his offkey lungs.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Fuck You Aurora.

Was just playing, i like that record a lot. <3ALK3 .... No beers in the shower today...... mainly cause I am out and going to the store for that specific purpose would propose a problem... a common arguement. I thot I had SKY(explained later) but nope, so back to Madden, its playoff time.

Last night was a lot of fun, I hadn't gone to an afterparty in months(since the eggroom) and there is nothing like seeing all the cool kids standing with arms folded and still drinking and watching a live band at 4am. Bartending the next 2 nights so time to work it. I hope the girls come in and sing songs to me.

Friday, August 24, 2007

New blog.

So i decided to jump on the bloggin bandwagon like everyone else these days.

For starters, yesterday was stupid beyond stupid. Deciding to challenge yourself by drinking a fifth is not, i repeat NOT, a good idea. ever. I highly doubt I will get that drunk again.... I think. Just when I feel I am over my issues with women something happens and I hate them all even more than ever......sigh.